Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize