i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
