this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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