First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We're too hungover to prance.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
