Sponge bath it is.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
