i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
tequila makes me forget i have legs
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
