Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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