He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
