shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
