My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
