I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
