Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
