I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
