Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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