dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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