After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
