Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
