I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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