this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
