Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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