im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
