I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
