I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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