you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
