It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
