ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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