Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
