Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
