He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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