i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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