I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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