There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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