I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
