is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
