Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He has the fingertips of a God
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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