Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
