I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
