kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
