If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
