I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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