I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
