My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize