sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize