Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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