Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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