i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
