God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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