I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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