Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
