We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
