To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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