I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
