Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
my poor anus
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
