no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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