dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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