There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
