He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
