I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
