Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
