I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
