I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I believe in your delicious
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
