going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
